Life is a series of evolving chapters, each marked by its unique blend of triumphs and trials. For women, these chapters often coincide with the different roles we play throughout our lives—daughter, friend, partner, professional, mother, and beyond. One of the most profound experiences we can undertake is letting go of old expectations tied to these roles and embracing the uncharted territory of new beginnings. This process, which demands courage, introspection, and an openness to the unpredictable nature of growth, is an exhilarating journey full of surprises and new possibilities.

In my last post, I discussed the struggle of balancing the traditional roles of wife and mother with the demands of a career-driven life. For over twenty years, I wrestled with the internal discontinuity that comes from trying to meet external and internal expectations about what I “should” be in each role. The desire to be “perfect” in every phase of life pushed me to my limits—working long days while trying to excel as a wife, mother, and professional.

Before having children, I worked in a demanding management position that required me to be on call nights and weekends. I was good at my job, but it drained my emotional energy. Instead of resting when I got home, I would dive straight into the role of Suzie Homemaker, cooking and cleaning until it was time to collapse into bed, only to start the cycle over the next day. This pattern was what I witnessed my mother live, so I believed it was how I should live too.

When my first child was born, I continued this relentless pace—scrubbing the kitchen floors daily with bleach, maintaining a spotless home while raising a child under five, and ending each day with dinner on the table, heels on, waiting for my husband to come home. I was exhausted, but I completed everything while my husband was at work, and I was so good at it that he thought it had to be easy. During this time, I was also a devoted member of the church, serving passionately, always present whenever the doors were open, and remaining dutiful even while navigating personal loss and difficulty. The pressures from my social, religious, and workplace community expectations only heightened the internal conflict I was facing.

Now, as I find myself in a new chapter with my children grown and starting their own journeys, I’m stepping away from the career I strived so hard to build. This transition is bittersweet, as it marks the end of an era defined by constant striving and the pursuit of external validation. However, it also opens up a space for me to prioritize and redefine myself in a way that I haven’t been able to before.

This new phase of life is affording me the opportunity to settle into a version of femininity that feels true and comfortable, one that reflects who I am today rather than who I felt I had to be in the past. It’s a time of rediscovery, where I’m exploring what it means to embrace my own needs and desires without the weight of external expectations. This journey is deeply personal, and it is reshaping how I see myself and how I wish to show up in the world.

It took many conversations and sessions with a skilled professional counselor to develop a personal understanding of how to exist in a way that is congruent with my true beliefs. I explored different approaches to femininity—soft life, traditional wife, feminist movement, and others—and found that none of them completely suited me. I’ll save that discussion for future posts. However, I want to emphasize that femininity is a unique and personal journey for each woman. There is no one-size-fits-all way to navigate the different phases and roles we embody throughout our lives. Our individuality is what makes us beautiful and valid, and it is this diversity that challenges and breaks the stereotypes.

Evolving away from these stereotypes is how I’m finding and leaning into my own definition of femininity. What are some stereotypes you find are no longer valid in your expression of femininity as you move through the different phases of your life? Please share.