Although married, I’ve worked in corporate America for the past twenty-plus years. I always felt it was my responsibility to provide for myself and my children, pushing myself often to moments of exhaustion, trying to ensure I “had my own.” As I settle into this next phase of leaving corporate America for a new venture, I question whether there was value in the effort I put into grinding all these years. 

In a recent conversation with my husband, I realized that the drive to do for myself was a remnant of struggle from the women before me. The message to ‘get your own’ heard among the women in the community or within media representation was received and obeyed. It created a relentless drive to push for career growth that required some of the softness in personality to be disregarded for fear of being seen as not assertive, firm, or competent enough. 

Rather than building me up, the drive for success caused a constant warring within as I struggled to balance my natural desire to provide a loving, nurturing environment with the drive to have a successful career that would ensure I didn’t have to lean on my husband for anything I or the girls wanted. This struggle manifested as taking breaks from work in blocks of years when my children were born allowing me to focus on them before preschool entry. I appreciate the time I spent with both of them. However, I also regretted the time lost when attempting to reenter the workplace because I’d have to start back at a lower level than when I left (the same company) due to hiring practices. This journey was a constant uphill climb on a slippery, mud-soaked path from which I am glad to be stepping away.

My new path will include completing an internship to begin in a person-centered area of work instead of working for a corporation driven by profits and shareholders. The most significant difference is that I am not abiding by any of the previous “independant woman” mantras this time. Instead, I have learned to lean into my relationship and work with my husband to build the life we want together.